Copy Court 1

Here’s how this works: We selected a handful of submitted websites and manuscripts from attendees… and unleashed our Simple Writing System faculty writers on them.

The panel critiques the effectiveness of the copy, points out weak headlines and sales angles… and hits the essentials they normally cover in their super-expensive paid consultations with clients.

In this Copy Court they critique 6 websites and one sales letter.  There is a lot of fast-flowing advice, This segment should give some idea what it’s like to get personal attention from top writers

Moderators: Robert Gibson and Kevin Rogers

Panel: Jim Curley, Harlan Kilstein, David Deutsch, Lorrie Morgan, Mark Landstrom

00:51 First site: Bob Howells

He is selling an ebook about becoming a freelance writer. He wants to know if his site is compelling.

When they open the site there is a popup for a newsletter. Lorrie says that there should be a delay because now there is no value given. No reason to sign up.

Jim asks about the ramifications of having a popup for an Adwords landing page.

Headline: Write Where the Money Is: David says that this is not compelling. He should introduce some curiosity that will make the reader want to read further. This headline could be used as a subhead instead.

Jim Curley: “How you, too, can have the coolest job in the world” is too vague.

Lorrie says she is glad he doesn’t have a self-launching video. Kevin and Harlan say that they work, though, and she is not the market.

Robert Gibson: His list of benefits are not universal enough. One of them is the opportunity to “survive on grubs in the Amazon” which may not appeal to the biz-op market.

7:00 Kevin Rogers: The writing on your page should be the same as how you speak. Read it out loud and ask yourself if you would really say that.

He leads with his credentials, and David says he should lead more with his story.

Don’t count on people watching your video.

8:28: Harlan: Auditory Copy

Harlan tells how this letter is an example of auditory copy from an NLP perspective

The copy is the auditory in his head translated into writing.

Kevin says to record your pitch, have it transcribed and have it

10:14 David tells how to get out of auditory and into visual, using this copy as an example

Bob’s question: How to get out of auditory. Harlan says to print it out and read it.

Kevin says he should have someone else read it to hin.

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13:20 Jay Dybold 

This is an opt-in page.

Davud: Take out the pre-head: “Who else wants to…”

Lorrie: The subhead should be put into bullets to make it stand out more, because it is essentially a list.

Kevin: This is something everyone is saying, so he should have a hook

Harlan: Would sign up but be very skeptical because of his promise. He would be ready to bail at the first hint of scam.

Video Sales Letter: Can’t depend on the video to do the selling

Robert: Try searching Google for your promise and see how many others are doing the same thing. This is an overdone subject.

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18:37 Logan Christopher

www.Kettlebelljuggling.com/order.html This redirects to a Clickbank order page what just has a video on it. No text at all. The video is flash, which is not supported by Google Chrome any more.

Wants better headline ideas, better ways to structure the offer

Kevin asks who his market is, because there really are no benefits in the headline. Logan says that it is for people wanting to move to the next level in kettlebells, and gives martial artists as an example.

22:41 David: You are saying in your headline that people would want to toss kettlebells around like tennis balls. Who would want to do that? He should keep testing things until he finds their hot button.

Harlan: Hot button equals criteria. What is ultimately important to them about having this skill? It should be in the headline so they know that you “get” them.

Robert: Try using a statement rather than a question.

Jim Curley: Saw someone selling a kettlebell program for golfers and had the benefits that golfers would want. Does his market want to be able to toss kettlebells around?

26:00 David: You need some kettlebell jargon.

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27:03 Randy Adams Local Surf Marketing

Harlan: Don’t assume a level of knowledge that your audience doesn’t have.

Robert: “local surf marketing” is clever. Clever = broke. Lay out what they want in clear langrage.

Also, he lists a lot of stuff that is free. Why would they hire him if everything is free? Also, there are too many logos on the page.

Harlan: He is asking for too much info for opt ins (first, last name, phone no). the prospect doesn’t know who he is and he wants to call them.

31:45 Robert gives him some suggestions about how to frame his offerings.

32:30: Jim Curly: What are they looking for? Not getting listed on Google, etc. they are looking for customers.

33:35: Robert gives him a simple question he can ask to get his prospects’ attention.

He disagrees with the comments about the amount of information they ask for on the opt in because he wants a qualified lead.

35:10 Robert maps out a simple funnel he can use.

Kevin: He is competing with a free service without telling what value he adds.

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39:00 Colin Joss

Freelance copywriter who wants to get clients

He swiped a golf headline for copywriting (Butt-Ugly Copy)

Harlan: Butt-Ugly is an away headline that is meaningful to golfers. Most of the people coming to his site don’t really know what copy is, so they still don’t know what he is selling.

Robert: This headline doesn’t have any benefit. It goes from -1000 to 0, because it is going to show them how not to suck, not how to be great.

The copy is more for other copywriters than for clients

Lorrie: Likes the headline. Phrases are fantastic, and she wants to read more. She never read the Butt Ugly Golf headline.

Kevin: You can’t rely on prospects knowing what copy is.

Harlan: He needs more subheads to break the copy.

Robert: This letter is all about him, not his prospect. He should ask questions to suck the prospect in.

How does having butt-ugly copy affect the prospect?

Harlan: It looks like he is using multiple swipes in the copy.

Robert: Search google for phrases to see how many times they are using them.

Kevin: He has voice and swagger but not backed up with a distinct message and promise of benefit, as well as what will happen if they don’t hire him.

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45:51 Joshua Benavides

highvibecoaching.com (URL is parked currently). His current site is http://profoundwellbeing.com/

He closes 2 out of 3 people he talks to on the phone. These are mostly local people.

Writing for Specific Markets

Harlan: If you are able to target the traffic, his headline is good, but the rest of the world won’t know what you are talking about.

Jim Curley: He has several markets listed at the top. He might want to try different landing pages for each market.

David: Should have something that credentializes him. How is he qualified to teach this?

Harlan: People in that market tend to forget they signed up. He may get more spam complaints than normal.

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51:46: Skip Thomas  (Pergolasdirect.com)

They ship vinyl pergolas.

Jim: He needs a headline that will tell why his picture is there. He might want a picture of a pergola instead.

Kevin: MarketingExperiments.com has info on where people look when they visit a site.

Harlan: He should define his target market better. The copy is not targeted to women. It should be prettied up a bit.

Kevin: Headline is too much. Just tell them what they need to know in order to move on.

Harlan: Shouldn’t start with questions because that forces people to go inside their heads to answer the question and then they are off your page.

Develop your own USP as a copywriter:

1. Watch all of the segments and write down the top 3 tips that apply to yourself and your website.
2. Rank them in order by how they will affect your revenue (most impact at the top).
3. Take the top tip and develop the steps you need to apply it to your own site.
4. Start with the first step and take action.
5. Rinse and repeat with the other steps.
6. Go back and watch the videos and repeat the steps with the next suggestions.

The first 2 sites are no longer online.

Logan Christopher’s site:  Kettlebelljuggling.com

Copyscape (to check for plagarism):  Copyscape.com

Joshua Benavides;  His current site is Profoundwellbeing.com/

Skip Thomas:  Pergolasdirect.com/