This is one of my favorite examples of a “bonding” letter. By that, I mean there are deliberate elements here that help a targeted audience identify with the information.
The cover letter (“Please Read This First”) is from Dr. O’Leary’s father– an obviously irascible old man who loves to beat his son at golf. He calls his doctor child a pipsqueak and an SOB… because his youth allows him to continue doing things on the golf course the old man can no longer manage.
Until now, that is. Because…here is a secret that will help any guy who has gotten older, stiffer, and less strong. Help him get back ALL the old power and control and dominance.
You think older golfers might respond to this kind of appeal? If a younger guy tried to sell them on it, they might scoff. But here is “one of their own” giving a spirited testimonial. Makes all the difference.
I used a cover letter– rather than incorporate the father’s comments into the letter — to highlight the concept. A well-placed cover letter, on a smaller and different weight stock paper than the main piece, will get read first. It “sets up” the pitch.
The headline of the letter is a great example of “specificity”, too. I could have said “in just under half an hour”, or “in just thirty minutes”… but these phrases don’t carry the punch of being almost ridiculously specific. Why 22 minutes and 17 seconds? That’s the actual “counter clock” time on the video when the lesson reveals the main goods. So why NOT use the exact numbers? It pulls you in.
Beware, however. Some writers get too wound up in specificity. Don’t overdo it. I didn’t say “what 409 privileged elite golfers will pay” in the other section of the headline. That’s overkill.
Use specificity as a master cook uses spices.
Just a pinch goes a long way.
This ad also is notable in that it introduces the talent (the “expert”) in depth before getting into the benefits of the product. In other golf ads in this collection, note that usually I make sure there’s a thick layer of direct benefits laid out before I introduce the expert.
This alternate delivery is deliberate. This guy Gregg McHatton happens to have credentials up the yin-yang…and when you’re blessed with this kind of recognition (PGA teacher of the year, testimonials from recognized experts) you want to USE it. I don’t get to the benefits of this product until halfway through page 2 (“How to instantly feed ‘pro level’ power, distance and accuracy into your golf game!”). The reader responds to this appeal because of the credentials of the talent.
Remember…most folks do not get to meet interesting people, or do interesting things. When you can legitimately offer them a chance to experience what only the most privileged usually get to experience, you earn their attention.
And here’s an opportunity to have a private lesson with the “best kept secret in golf.
Unique offer here, too: You can post-date your check for a whole month. Which means, if you decide you don’t want the video after all, you just give the word and your check will be sent back to you, uncashed. Your bank account will never feel a ripple.
Usually, with this kind of post-dating offer, you also offer credit card users the opportunity to not have their card “dinged” for a month. The operators take down the credit card number, but do not process the charge for 30 days. We chose not to do this for this offer — for two reasons. One, it gives the reader a choice: pay with credit card and rely on the generous money-back guarantee (the best in the business, by the way)…or post-date a check. And, two, we knew from experience that many credit card buyers in this market don’t care much about post-dating– with a 30-day risk-free free look, they can simply have the charge erased from their card. It appears as self-canceling plus and minus numbers on their account.
By the way… if your cash-flow cannot handle waiting a month to charge credit cards or cash checks, you can always have your operators offer an incentive for immediate payment. A free report, available only to people who pay in full now, works well.
So does a believable personal appeal from the operator. It genuinely is a pain in the ass to hold payment. If your operators show some personality (“you’d really be doing me a favor”), and simply remind the caller that he gets a complete, risk-free, 100% money-back guarantee anyway…they can often get him to go ahead and allow the charge to be rung through. It’s all about trust and believability. The offer of a post-dated billing does its job by giving the customer a sense of confidence in your credibility. And though that offer may “tip” him into ordering, he often no longer needs the post-dating after he’ s made his decision.
Finally, there’s a raffle announced in the P.S. copy. I generally do not like contests like this, only because of the mess they create in making them work properly. You really need someone to stay on top of the contest. This one worked out quite well, but I’m not convinced it affected response all that much.
You should understand that using contests opens a whole new can of worms for you legally. There are rules you must follow. No rigging allowed. The government takes a dim view of haphazard contests, and will downright come after you if you do any kind of lottery without the requisite legalities. (Go check out the back of a rub-off contest ticket at a major fast-food joint sometime. You’ll find twelve paragraphs of 3- point legal copy that reads like a contract to buy stock.) So be careful, and do your due diligence with a lawyer.
Last note: I’ve included a photocopy of the outgoing envelope for this piece. So you can see how a stamped First Class piece goes out. Plus, we used a big red “Second Notice” stamp on the second mailing to highlight the urgency.
This sample is a “seed” letter — my name is secretly inserted into most mailing lists, without the letter shop‘sknowledge. This helps keep them honest…and allows me to know exactly when the letters arrive.
I don’t want to shock you…but there are letter shop printers who will consider “shaving” the number of letters they mail for you, in order to increase their profit. If you contract to mail 40,000 letters, pay for the printing and postage…and they only mail 30,000…they get to keep the shaved money. And unless you’ve salted the list with names you can check with, you will have zero chance to catch them.
They also may tell you they mailed the letters on Friday (the best day to mail First Class, so the letters arrive on Monday, giving you a full week to take orders). But when your seeds don’t arrive until the following Thursday, you know they’re not telling the truth. This kind of late mailing will drive you crazy… and kill your profit. A letter that arrives late in the week puts all sort of wrong thoughts in the reader’s head…such as “I’ll just wait until Monday to call”, or “Jeez, I’ve got so much to do before the weekend, I can’t call today”… as well as the fact that Fridays are a horrible day to take orders (because your operators are tired and already thinking about that date they have after work), and few people order on Saturday. The day your mail drops is VERY important.
So always seed your list with at least a few dozen people you know, from different parts of the country. It’s just smart managing.
Click here to see “The 22 Minutes and 17 Seconds” ad.
(It will open in a new window or tab, so you can toggle between the ad and Carlton’s commentary
below.)
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