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Kirsten Karchmer posted an update 9 years, 4 months ago · updated 9 years, 3 months ago
Hey Friends, great advice. I made the landing page warmer and more emotional and it is converting at 37% compared to 14% to the previous one. http://bit.ly/1gV1Dv8. The only problem is that the payment page still isnt converting.. 0% Very sad. I am like the lady on the home page. Im considering adding a section on the second page that says,…Read more
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Raj Bapna posted an update 9 years, 4 months ago · updated 9 years, 4 months ago
Updated Heading (Thanks to Stan Dahl and John Carlton).
Please review again.
As per your advice, I removed the term “changing brain waves” and moved up what you pointed out to be more important part of the message.
The new image of heading is attached.
The text language is as in these 3 paragraphs:
For Students: The only unique way to get…Read more
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Raj Bapna posted an update 9 years, 4 months ago · updated 9 years, 4 months ago
Request for headline critique
I sell light/sound machine (also called mind machine) to students.
Please critique/review the headline below:
For Ambitious Students: Remember More of What You Learn
Even If You Are Sleep-Deprived, Unmotivated and FrustratedHow to Enter the Learning State in 7 Minutes
and Wake Up a Little of the Genius Inside…Read more-
Who’s taking exams at 50? Who is a student at 50? And no matter how unmotivated I am, ain’t nobody telling me I’m unmotivated besides me. I would rather be considered a busy, overworked woman who wants to harness the precious vitality and energy I need to make the next half of my life as fun and exciting as the first. Something along those lines.…Read more
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Alicia,
Where do you see 50 yrs old?-
My bad guys! I thought we were on Brain Games!!
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no worries — you just keep giving and giving :). you’re a beacon of awesome (and of female lol) in this place. keep it up
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My personal .02,
I would not say “for ambitious students”. Now you’re making me evaluate myself before I even get into the copy. You don’t want them stopping at the very beginning to even see if what’s coming up next applies to them, do you?
Who will ACTUALLY admit that they are not ambitious?
Nobody wants to have to admit negative stuff like…Read more -
If I’m Unmotivated, I’m not going to spend 5 minutes or 5 cents on this. Not a target market.
If I’m ambitious, I don’t need you to qualify me in the headline. Waste of valuable space.
If I don’t already believe in Brainwaves or that they can be changed, I’m going to stop reading there. I suspect you’ll lose 98% of the population right there.…Read more
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Great point, Stan. First examination of any project should be: Is there a market for this?
And then, how do you reach that market?
Raj, it’s a very common blunder for marketers to fall in love with their concept, and think that they represent the “average” prospect. It’s almost never true.
You have to get inside the head of the prospect, and…Read more
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Wow ! Never thought of that.
I am driving students to this page via full page magazine ads.
(India audience only – where education the only sure way to moving up in life – much more so than in US)
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Raj Bapna posted an update 9 years, 4 months ago · updated 9 years, 4 months ago
Hi,
As per suggestions on this board, I have updated the salespage. Plesae review again and advice. Thanks.
website salespage: http://www.BrainGamesLab.com
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Hey Raj,
My .02 again…
Number one…your big attention grabbing headline is
“Scientific Brain Training Games
with the joy of your pet’s or kid’s pictures”All I see there is “brain games blah blah blah”
Everyone knows about brain games. Your pre-head…
“After age 45, our memory and focus begin to have issues. We occasionally forget…Read more
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Also, keep in mind…
When someone buys from you, they are buying A BETTER VERSION OF THEMSELVES.
The rule of justification is…
1) People hate to be SOLD
2) They BUY on EMOTION
3) They JUSTIFY the sale (the emotion) with REASONYour “pets and kids” is a REASON…a justification that pushes the sale.
After they decide to buy, if they…Read more
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Thank you so much NickC.
I am implementing your ideas.
I’ll update in a couple of days.
Thanks again.
-raj
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absolutely amazing advice, bit he risks missing it when you’re an absolute asshole before giving it. Copywriting is about empathy, right..? Empathy is a lifestyle – not isolated to researching random people online. Find genuine empathy, and keep connected to it, or any and all business will be a very dry experience.
And that would be a waste,…Read more
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To all in this group…if I offended anyone, I sincerely apologize, especially to Raj.
I was simply giving my .02 as I see it.
There was not anything but sincere advice intended.
Perhaps Simon, it is the way you PERCEIVED the copy, and not the copy itself.
I choose copy as a PROFESSION. This is how I will feed my family and put gas in my…Read more-
Thanks NickC. I really appreciate your detailed feedback and ideas.
Simon — I am surprised you found NickC’s language offensive in any way. To me it is exactly the kind of honest advice we all seek here on this website. But, thanks for voicing your concern when you felt that way.
Thanks again to NickC. Your review / feedback comes as help to…Read more
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By the way, as you can see from my website, as per your advice, I have removed “kids / pets” from the headline.
Question to NickC and everybody else:
How do I get good language to communicate benefits in this situation where I can’t make any bold claims regarding how much improvement is achieved or any diseases are avoided. It is like “if you do…Read more
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You are very welcome, Raj.
Don’t worry, I take it as a compliment.
John said people call him that kind of stuff all the time. Heck…they used to sit in his very audience at seminars and glare at him.
If I can get that from a forum…I must be on the right track 🙂
Are your games unique to you?
If not, has there been any research done, to…Read more -
Also, have you checked out what your competition is doing? I see Luminosity commercials, why not see how they are marketing and talking to prospects? What’s the problem you are trying to solve for your prospexts? Do the pain scale John talks about in the hot seat video.
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Nick, your reply was fine. We employ both tough love and lots of empathy around here. When money is on the line, as it always is in biz, nobody wants smoke blown up their ass.
The people I’ve personally mentored all have favorite stories of how I blew apart one of their cherished ideas or ads… and they proudly wear the experience of their…Read more
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“After age 45, our memory and focus begin to have issues…”
Nobody over 45 needs to be told this. Waste of valuable space at the top of the page.
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I’m sorry, what were we talking about again?
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Thanks John.
This is about http://www.BrainGamesLab.com pre-headline.
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JonathanC posted an update 9 years, 4 months ago · updated 9 years, 4 months ago
Here’s an email I got from a client I wrote a sample email for. The sample I sent him is 500 words long. Perhaps I should have asked why he wanted to see samples first?
“I should ask now before we go to far how much you would charge for this? I like the premise, but it would need some editing. I don’t think people are going to spend that much…Read more
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I just realized, he’s asking a “buying question.” So that part’s good.
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Raj – I’m impressed with your determination on this. Asking for suggestions and then implementing them.
You should be running the ad to see if any of this his helping you make more sales.
One overall suggestion I’ll make – you should have someone who is very good with English grammar (as spoken in your target market) review you copy.
Don’t take…Read more
Thanks for your kind words and more suggestions. I’ve just implemented them.
Thanks again.